Know You Can’t
There is a famous saying that goes something like; “If you know you can, or know you can’t, you’re right”. I respectfully disagree.
I think this view missed a critical nuance that is much more relevant to most of us than a simple mindset piece.
Here is how I would reword, to illustrate my point:
If you know you can’t, you’re almost definitely right. If you know you can, on the other hand, you may be wrong. The issue is not what you “know”. Rather, it is that you prefer the certainty.
To elaborate.
Uncertainty is uncomfortable for us mere humans. It brings with it the possibility of great peril (at least in our minds). When we stick our neck out and go for it (the big presentation, asking her out, applying for the job, going after our biggest ever client, whatever), we invite a very uneasy uncertainty into our lives. This uncertainty is so uncomfortable because being wrong brings with it very unpleasant consequences like shame, humiliation, proof we’re not as good as we thought, resulting damage to self worth, and all manner of other dragons.
We dislike this exposure so much, we often greatly prefer the certainty of knowing we can’t. We let her do the big presentation and take a back seat. We apply only for jobs well within our proven comfort zone, we admire from afar, we shy away from, or maybe even sabotage, attempts to land big game clients, preferring to play small.
Therefore, tolerating uncertainty might just be a critical component of not only the ultimate levels of success we get to enjoy. But also of how enjoyable our pursuits are in themselves. Cultivating a relationship with uncertainty that is more positive, maybe even playful, could serve us incredibly well.
I remember starting my first business. The big, dominating black void of unknown before me was daunting. Taking the plunge felt exciting and livening, while also feeling like shit. I remember anxiety, fear, and doubt, and a sprinkle of panic. A big piece of me wanted to back out right up until the point of no return.
I can think of many examples both big and small along the course of my life where I have confronted uncertainty. Sometimes I couldn’t tolerate it and shied away from opportunities I lived to regret. Other times I was able to move forward in the full presence of that uncertainty. Upon reflection, I am certain that if I had learnt to develop my tolerance, and show up with more courage more often, life would likely have been richer. In fact, I think most good things I’ve been blessed to experience came after doing so. As did most of my biggest learnings, often when I’d tolerated the uncertainty and had negative outcomes.
